Beaufort Blunders

In my hectic efforts to share with you the crazy escapades and wacky misendeavours my friends and i occur, i completely forgot the reason why i wanted to start a blog in the first place.

It was to inform you all of me meeting a great visionary from Navan, County Meath .

Dylan Moran. Heard of him? The barely-sober bastard irish comedian from such classics as "Black Books" and "Shaun of the Dead"?

Here's how it went down.

Whiteman, Bec, Han, Rosa and I were driving along, listening to some whack tunes, when we decided to stop off at Planet Video to pick up a CD or some shit. Whiteman, obviously tired from the events of the previous night decided to stay in the car. BIG MISTAKE 1.

We entered the building and i immediately felt petrified. As if i had just stared into the eyes of that fucking snake from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. My whole body ceased moving and i sensed a very strong aura other than my own in that same room.

Han, Bec and Rosa, Oblivious, walked straight behind the tall, greasy looking figure. Words escaped me so i reached out and grabbed Han's arm but she shrugged me off, looked at me as if i was a rapist and walked off. BIG MISTAKE 2.

"Dylan?" i asked hesitantly.

"What?" he replied in a gruff undertone, much like that of Bernard Black's.

5 seconds passed in which i only made a hoarse squeaking sound

"Can i shake your hand?" (smooth right)

"Alright then"

We exchanged a handshake and a single tear rolled down my cheek.

I then invited him to a gig we were playing at HQ that night and he agreed to come. After watching the gig he approached me, bawling and told me i had a voice like that of an angel, and called up his close friend, the head of Sharp Records who immediately gave us a 6 album contract.

Well, none of the last paragraph actually happened, i actually made a total dick of myself infront of the Planet staff and Dylan by making orgasm noises and running out of the shop.

When one imagines meeting one of they're Idols or a celebrity of any kind, they imagine it all going smoothly in they're heads, making casual small talk rather than indecipherable gasps but i assure you this is not how it works.

I spent the rest of that day calling friends and telling them about it, ripping Whiteman for staying in the car and ripping Bec, Han and Rosa for being ignorant fools and missing out on touching Dylan Moran.

Amen.