Do, Re, Mi

How Entrancing.

Muesli & Creeps

I just ate the biggest bowl of muesli i've ever consumed in my life. It was so good. Not only did it contain a vast variety of grains including sunflower seeds, almonds and pepitas but it also included a whole heap of dried fruit such as sultanas, diced apricots and diced dates. To top it off i added freshly made stewed apple and yoghurt. Ecstasy.

In other news, for some of us private school bitches, semester 2 started today. Why we didn't start it at the beginning of next term like any straight thinking school, still remains a mystery. Probably some bullshit to do with the importance of learning.

Anyway, the sudden transition from cool teachers and cool subjects, to inadequate subjects with teachers who are obstinate and grouchy was a little too much to handle, so instead of doing homework i've decided to do up individual informational profiles on these creeps.

Creep #1: Mr. Solomon, Biology

Now don't tell me "Solomon" was the name of the wisest man on earth because this creep claims it all the time. I walk into class today and he's wearing beige pants, a big grey jumper and a "humorous" tie which simply had sheep on it. Perhaps the tie was his own, miserable little way of getting through the day, through the rueful career choice he was destined to pursue. We entered the classroom and for the whole period he just blabbed on and on about how we had to respect him then made us watch some atrocious outdated video on organisms from like the 1980s. We all know what they're like.

Mr. P, History

This guy was absent today so i'm not going to assess him just yet. However i must say he looks like he IS history so he probably knows what he's talking about.

Creep #2: Mr. Trend, Mathematics

This guy contradicted my theory that a person's name says alot about they're character. If this guy thinks the "Huge Bald Spot" look is a trend that'll be soon taken up by hip youngsters he should stay indoors. As he drawled on about matrices etc, all i could think about was how hard i'd have to hit the top of his head to leave a big red handmark on it. He must grease that dome because when i finally did attempt working, i couldn't copy notes off the whiteboard because the harsh sunlight was reflecting off his head straight into my eyes.

Not So Bad #1: Miss O, Drama

Everyone loves the O-Dawg, probably because she teaches the subject that allows you to absolutely chill out and still get an A. She's pretty cool, except when she's PMSing, but at least even then she'll address the class and admit she's being a bitch. Aside from that O-Dawg is the finest that Wesley has to offer.

Shit-Damn #1, Miss G, English.

Make that the second finest. Miss G is the most sophisticated, beautiful, entrancing, sought-after, mind blowing teacher at the school. Naturally, everyone wants to fornicate her. Poor girl is subjected to what, in the non-institutionalised world would be classified as "Sexual Harrassment" on a day to day basis. You know how everyone has those fantasies about getting with their teacher? Miss G is in 15,000 of those fantasies. The shit thing is she's not even my English teacher. She was in year 8 but i was too young and naive to appreciate it. One of the biggest regrets of my life.

Creep #3: Miss H, English

Emphasis on the MISS please. This is my real English teacher. She seems to be fond of the "Character Analysis" tool, if only she could read this.

I imagine that during her high school days, she was the nerdy chick who gave the cool guys second thoughts. However today she does nothing more than whine on about poetic techniques and does the best she can to destroy Literature for those of us who hold it close to our hearts. She also has an obsession with Brad Pitt, hence the posters of him plastered on her classroom walls. Keep dreamin' lady.

Creep #4, Mr. W, Full time creep.

This is the creep who roams the school, on the hunt for students who were 30 seconds late too class. That i can bear. What i can't bear is the fact that he is also put in charge of making sure students get THEIR F****** HAIR CUT.

Doesn't that make you sick?

One reason to invest in an IPhone.

Sabelo Magic. Chapter II

The other day in maths, Fresh passed me a note. I know it's kind of cliche and lame but hey, he's black.

Now for those of you who cannot read his primitive handwriting allow me to decipher.

He asked me what time i was leaving school, i replied verbally and told him 3:20, the usual time. He then proceeded to write his response on paper. It's okay i understand. Being seen conversing with a tall, skinny white-boy would probably "cramp his style yo". His response to my verbal elucidation was "Na man I just wanna go for a durrie".


Durrie


A slang term for cigarette. Used mainly in Australia but sometimes New Zealand.
"Oi ranga!" "Yer mate?" "Passus a durrie would ya!"

Now obviously i was absolutely flabbergasted that this kid had already caught on to the majority of Australia's hip lingo slang in such a short period of time, even more so, that he had put the word "smoke" in brackets next to the abbreviation, as if trying to imply that I might not be aware of the term. But then i remembered he was a boarder, so living in the same building as a bunch of simplistic farmers probably contributed alot to his knowledge of the more, stereotypical side of our culture.

Magic then proceeded to cross out the word "smoke", a necessary precaution, being that if he was caught he would surely be sent back to Johannesburg and be whipped, tortured and fed to hungry seals or whatever the fuck they're native animal is over there.
In response to Kobe's remark, i informed him of the dangers of smoking and the serious risks it can have on your health. This made him laugh and tell me that I "can speak so much shit". I think he likes me.


"Friends are born, not made." - Henry Adams

Divine Flu.

God bless the mexicans.

Fucking Plurals.

I recently discovered that the plural to "Phenomenon" is actually "Phenomena" not "Phenomenons". When i stumbled upon this fact i was absolutely gutted. It was almost as if I had fallen off Saruman's Tower in Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, and landed on that big barbed thing that Saruman lands on after that huge battle with the trees and shit. If you haven't seen that part, then i suggest you invest in the extended version of the film. Thats right, as if 4 and a half hours of midgets fondling eachother, schizophrenic/anorexic tour guides debating whether or not to kill the clearly gay midgets, and Orlando Bloom with blonde hair, wasn't enough, you can buy the extended version with an hour of extra scenes. I have all 3. I didn't say i wasn't a fan.

Anyway please don't inform me of my failure to correctly construct a URL that followed obvious rules of the English language, because i'm already aware of it. You think I can just learn something like that and let it go? You think I can continue living my life the way it was before? No sir. In order to replenish myself and rid my body of such sins, i have decided that reading the dictionary naked, by candlelight every night, and branding the plurals of every word onto my flesh is the only way. Apart from that my week was good.

For those who are unfamilliar with The Code of Jack & John.

So, if one was to say "Oh look, there's a thirty!"
It would be an abbreviated version of saying "Oh look there's a bunch of cockneys harassing an albino gypsy!"


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